


The Santa Claus(e)

by FandomPariah



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Christmas, Gen, Nameless Protagonist, Oneshot, Pokemon Battle, Sort of self insert I suppose, Utter Nonsense, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomPariah/pseuds/FandomPariah
Summary: A lone trainer makes their way through the tundra to face their final challenger for a prize far greater than any Gym Badge.Utter crackfic nonsense at it's core.An update/remake of a fic I wrote in 2011 and promptly deleted.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	The Santa Claus(e)

Pokemon & All associated trademarks are property of Nintendo, Game Freak and Creatures Inc.

I claim no ownership of anything except my own original characters.

I am making no money from this.

**The Santa Claus(e)**

The air was below freezing, leaving breath misting in front of ones' face with each exhalation and frost and icicles forming in the clothes and hair of anyone brave enough to risk venturing out into the inhospitable weather, the night sky above was moonless and the only light came from the stars which seemed far brighter without the lights of a city polluting the darkness around them and the aurora which hung in the air and shifted through various shades of red, blue and green and was reflected faintly in the almost knee depth snow that a lone Trainer waded through with grim and unwavering determination.

The aurora was a sign that they were heading in the right direction and they would not allow themselves to be halted now, not this close to their goal.

The Trainer was a man presumably in his twenties, perhaps a little shorter than average and sporting a physique that would never be described as athletic or toned but boasting broad shoulders, a strong back and a certain undeniable strength in his strong and stocky build. The Trainer's skin was naturally pale and decorated with countless small scars that had been earned on his years of adventuring with Pokemon which now contrasted harshly against skin that had become puffy and reddened with the cold biting at it. His hair, which was currently hidden beneath a woollen hat was a dark shade of brown that bordered on black and was cut short and cropped so close to the skull as to be almost invisible at the back and sides whilst he sported a beard that was perhaps a shade lighter and grew naturally bushy. His eyes were weary but hardened with resolve and were a colour that was altogether difficult to describe, primarily seemed to be a shade of green with yellowish amber flecks littering the irises though they could also be described as blue or grey depending on the light that struck them, currently however they were hidden behind a pair of protective goggles. He wore clothing that was clearly chosen for its' aesthetic appeal as well as being at least somewhat practical, pale blue, distressed and faded denim jeans with a pair of warm sweatpants beneath them to fight the cold were tucked into a pair of heavy black boots, he wore a thick grey and black hoodie whose hood was pulled low over his face and which bore some detailing that resembled a stylised Pokemon, over the hoodie was a large, black leather aviator jacket and matching gloves, the jacket sporting a wide collar which, along with the entire inside of the jacket was lined with a silvery grey fur; with the jacket hanging open an onlooker would see several metallic objects glinting in the limited available light

Gym badges, over a dozen of them from Pokemon Gyms across several regions.

The trainer came to a halt, the crunching of snow that accompanied his footsteps coming to a halt as he doubled over and rested his gloved hands on his thighs whilst taking several gasping an exhausted breaths, the cold lungfuls of air stabbing at his lungs as he did so

"Where the hell am I" he gasped out as he drew his Pokédex, one of the older models that was operated entirely by technology and lacked a Ghost Type Pokemon manipulating its' inner workings and activated the map function; this frozen and Arceus-damned wasteland he had found himself trudging, climbing and hiking through in search of his goal was far from any populated region yet somehow an apparently accurate map of it existed and a brief inspection of it revealed that the trainer had only a short way to go before he reached the place he needed to find.

If only the snow were less dense

"Come on girl" the trainer brought one of the half a dozen Pokeballs from his belt to his lips and gently kissed its gleaming surface in something that had become a tradition before releasing the creature within

"Try and clear me a path" he requested, scratching the Fire Type Pokemon behind the ears and taking comfort in the warmth that emanated from their body before being forced to stand back as they unleashed a torrent of fire from their mouth that melted snow in a path several feet wide and as far as the eye could see, leaving walls of snow like freshly parted waves on either side.

"Good girl" the Trainer beamed, rewarding the Pokemon with a final scratch behind the ears before returning the Fire Type to its' Pokeball to spare it from the cold despite the warmth it could have provided him. The Trainer continued onwards with tired and aching limbs, marching purposefully through the path that had been cleared until finally reaching his destination

"It's real" he gasped to nobody in particular, voice barely above a whisper as he took in the sight of the place he had slowly been giving into the idea must be a myth. The snow had been melted, leaving moist but barren land which formed a shoreline that spanned over quarter of a mile in each direction from the edge of the vast lake it surrounded, the lake itself was not frozen despite the frigid environment and indeed steam rose from its' surface as if the water were being purposefully heated by something below whilst in the centre of the island was a small island, barely large enough to support the lone cottage that stood atop it.

The Trainer's attention however was drawn to the individual who stood at the very edge of shoreline, seemingly waiting for him

"So the legends are true then!" the Trainer called out to the man "You're real after all!"

"That I am" the man gave him a comically wide smile and a jolly laugh, deep and rumbling as he stepped away from the sleigh that had somehow carried him from his island cottage to the shore. He was a giant of a man, tall and wide set with a frame that seemed truly gargantuan in every sense of the word; his attire was exactly what the Trainer had expected, thick and heavy trousers and jacket of a deep red colour lined with the purest white fur and complemented with glossy black boots which reached past his calves and a sturdy belt with a golden buckle. The mans' smiling, bespectacled face bore no traces of the affects of the cold and neither his impressive white beard or the hair which spilled from beneath his hat sported a single icicle.

It was as if the cold simply refused to touch the man out of some unspoken respect

"You're Santa Claus" the Trainer gasped, flinging back his hood and ripping his goggles away so that he could better see this spectacle

"That I am little boy" Santa laughed heartily "And I must say that this is quite a trip you've made, it must be a something special on your wish-list to get you to come all the way-"

"Don't play games with me" the trainer snarled, the chill in the air nothing compared to the iciness of his tone as his leather gloves creaked with the clenching of his fists.

"You know why I'm here"

"HO HO HO!" Santa's booming laugh was by far the most mirthful yet "I'd certainly guessed….But I can't just give you what you want little boy, you have to earn it"

"Challenge accepted" the Trainer spat, hand flying to the Pokeballs at his belt and grasping at one whilst across from him, with the waves gently lapping at his boots Santa Claus mirrored his action.

The air seemed to stand still and time seemed to cease for a moment and for the Trainer the cold all but vanished and was replaced instead with the rush that only a Pokemon battle could bring.

"GO CHESHIRE!"

"Go Igloo" the two trainers hurled their Pokeballs into the air and sent forth their leads, Santa surprising the Trainer with the fact that his Pokemon had been nicknamed.

The Trainers' leading Pokemon was an exemplary member of its' species, Cheshire was a Gengar whose blood red eyes and absurdly broad smile were often endearing in a mischievous way but when unleashed in battle became a demented and berserk leer that would haunt opponents nightmares afterwards, her deep violet body shifting in transparency from opaque to an almost invisible wraith as she scurried around the edge of what would become the battlefield whilst never taking her eyes off of her opponent.

By contrast Santa Claus's Pokemon, Igloo was a powerful and sturdy pillar of calmness; the Mamoswine planted its' four thick limbs firmly on the ground and bracing itself for what would come, its' thick and shaggy coat rustling in the wind.

"Let's start shall we" Santa chuckled warmly, still cheery even in battle as he turned to his Pokemon and gave an order "Use Earth Power"

"Evade it!" the Trainer warned frantically just as the Mamoswine shifted its' weight and let a low guttural huffing sound and a wave of indescribable power surged through the ground outwards from its' legs, with chunks of earth being ripped free and flung through the air with reckless abandon by some unseen force; Cheshire however did as instructed and leapt away from the nearest chunk of frosty earth to be uprooted near its' feet and as it back-flipped away it seemed to sail through the air as though it weighed nothing, landing on another piece of the ground which Igloo's attack had ripped free and proceeding to leap and somersault between them with ease, seemingly hovering in the air for moments at a time on several occasions

"A Gengar with the ability to levitate" Santa noted "A rare sight these days" the Trainer nodded in acknowledgement of the compliment before turning to Cheshire and giving the Ghost Type a vicious smile that matched her own

"Payback" the Gengar lunged into option, its' body almost vanishing as it slithered along the ground at an incredible speed leaving only its' manic smile and furious red eyes visible, lunging under the body of the Ice Type Pokemon and gathering a corona of darkness around its' body before bursting upwards and lifting the Mamoswine from the ground with the force of the blow and sending the hunks of ground that had been torn free crashing downwards, all the power from its' own attack redirected back into it before the Gengar slunk away

"Keep the pressure on!" the Trainer demanded

"Igloo, use Hail!" Santa bellowed, now seeming to be taking the battle seriously. With barely a gesture from Igloo the air whipped around the bulky Pokemon and fragments of ice almost the size of a collapsed Pokeball began to materialise as the vortex of freezing air that expanded outward, pelting Cheshire several time in the process and sending the smaller monster reeling, hissing and spitting in annoyance as it did so

"Cheshire keep your distance" the Trainer warned, knowing his leads' aggressive nature and tendency to rush in if allowed "Go for a Sludge Bomb" she obliged and opened her mouth wide and extended a broad and comically long tongue before vomiting forth a viscous mass of some purple and ominously glowing substance, pausing a moment to blow a raspberry at the opposing Pokemon afterwards.

The Sludge Bomb missed, the silhouette of the Mamoswine vanishing and leaving both the Trainer and his Pokemon baffled until Santa Claus gave his next order.

"Bulldoze" neither Cheshire or the Trainer were prepared and the Gengar had only a moment for its' face to morph into a ludicrously wide-mouthed gasp of shock before Igloo collided with her with indescribable force, shattering the ground around both Pokemon with the impact and hurling the Gengar across the shoreline that had become their arena until the Ghost Type used its' shifting weight and density to bring itself to a stop

"Payback again" the Trainer grinned as he realised what had happened, the Mamoswine had the 'Snow Cloak' ability and could mask its' presence in the hail but it it had revealed itself and allowed Cheshire another opening the game was up, the Gengar let out a cackle of pure happiness before launching itself full tilt at the opposing Pokemon

"Protect" Cheshire was left once again hissing and sputtering indignantly as a wall of sheer power manifested between the two Pokemon and the Ghost Type promptly collided with it, robbing her of all momentum whilst Igloo vanished once again into the snow, hail and darkness with far more ease than should have been possibly considering his size and lumbering gait.

"Not as predictable as you thought hmm?" Santa Claus asked the Trainer with a bemused smile as he peered over his glasses in a grandfatherly way

"Hit and run Mamoswine, I'll admit it's a new one" the Trainer chuckled back before turning to Cheshire "But we've got a way around that, Shadow Punch….lot of Shadow Punches" the Gengar let out a shrill and truly demented cackle of delight as it reared up to its' full height before slamming its' fists down against the ground in a display of utter fury, each blow against the floor sent a writhing tendril of seemingly living shadow snaking across the ground before busting upwards like a geyser and forming a fist made of pure, coalesced darkness. The Trainer waited until he heard a grunt of pain from Igloo that signified that the Mamoswine had been located despite its' ability; he and Santa Claus locked eyes and both men gave orders in the same moment

"BULLDOZE!

"FOCUS BLAST!" the Mamoswine let out a trumpeting roar of a challenge as it thundered from the darkness and built more momentum with each passing second, Cheshire remaining rooted to the spot and her entire form seemed to tremble with exertion as she braced herself and gathered a ball of incandescent light between her small palms, as Igloo drew close Cheshire let out an unhinged laugh and sent the gathered energy cascading outwards and directly into the path of the oncoming Mamoswine.

The Ground type collapsed to the ground unconscious and Santa quickly recalled the Pokemon

"A good show old chap" he said soothingly, gently patting the Pokeball

"Great work Cheshire" the Trainer congratulated as the Ghost type back-flipped and flexed its' incorporeal muscles to show off before the battle resumed.

The Trainer had taken the lead but this was by no means over.

"Elf, if you would be so kind…." Santa sent out his next Pokemon, a slender and dainty Sylveon whose fur was the purest white and put even the snow around it to shame and whose large azure eyes reflected every colour of the aurora above them perfectly; the Sylveon purred contentedly and Cheshire stuck out her tongue at the new adversary, blowing raspberries as she hopped from one foot to another in eager anticipation of another battle

"Hyper Beam" Santa ordered and the Trainer raised a confused eyebrow as the Fairy Type planted its' feet and opened its' mouth as wide as possible whilst light began to gather and stream towards it; the Trainer realised a moment to late why his opponent had ordered his Pokemon to use a Normal Type move and frantically called out

"CHESHIRE MOVE IT'S GOT PIXIE-" Elf the Sylveon fired and the attack was so powerful that even though Cheshire should have been able to resist it the results were cataclysmic; the Gengar's translucent and insubstantial body was illuminated from within as the beam passed though her and tore a trench through the snow before finally guttering out into nothingness. Cheshire turned to the Trainer and staggered forwards and then to her knees, putting on a dramatic and overwrought display before finally fainting

"You did great" the Trainer murmured, patting the Pokeball gently before replacing it on his belt and drawing another

"GO TITAN!" the Pokemon that emerged in a flash of red light let out a deep rumbling snarl as they stepped forwards with their muscular tail swinging behind them, their armoured purple hide decorated with the scars of countless battles which only made the towering behemoth of a Pokemon seem more intimidating

"That's a fine specimen of a Nidoking" Santa observed conversationally "Looks like he's seen his fair share of battles too"

"Titan was one of the first Pokemon I caught" the Trainer confided, patting the flank of the Poison Type gently and avoiding his poisonous barbs by memory alone. With no more to be said the two Pokemon circled each other and waited for their trainers to give them an order, the Trainer knew that whilst he theoretically had the advantage here it would be stupid to act recklessly, his opponent had already proven themselves more than capable.

"SHOCK WAVE!"

"PSYSHOCK!" the commands were called out simultaneously and Elf proved herself to be the faster of the two Pokemon, Titan let out a roar as crackling arcs of lightning weaved and forked between the poisonous spines jutting from his body as he prepared to unleash an area of effect attack from which there could be no escape; the Sylveon however became wreathed in a pale blue light which seemed shine from within its' body as it attacked, several points of the same light appearing around the far larger Nidoking, expanding outwards before coalescing into solid forms before surging forwards like meteors and blasting Titan with telekinetic might.

The Poison Type was sent sailing through the air and landing with a dull thud that reverberated out through the air and made the ground tremble. The trainer looked frantically for his Pokemon with a panicked curse hissed under his breath but was allowed to breathe a sigh of relief as Titan rose to his feet, shaking of snow and snarling in displeasure.

"Elf, use Calm Mind" Santa instructed, using the momentary lull in the battle to his advantage and the Fairy Type quickly planted her feet firmly and began to focus herself intently, the same inexplicable light whirling and shifting around it as its' powers were steadily increased

"Shock Wave!" the Trainer ordered again, seeing how quickly the current situation could slip out of his control and Titan charged from the snow back out onto the shoreline with a roar, lightning coursing over his thick armoured hide once again before being sent out in a wide pulse that covered the immediate vicinity in dancing sparks and left the smell of ozone in its' wake

"ELF-" Santa called out as his Pokemon was struck by the blast and flung backwards, her' magically enhanced abilities not enough for to avoid the blow and the Trainer saw that he needed to press his advantage

"Poison Jab" he ordered and Titan obliged with a low grunting snort before charging the Sylveon, a sickly pale light gathering around his upper limbs, writing and pulsating disturbingly as the Nidoking delivered a vicious blow to its' opponent; the first attack was a critical hit and combined with the Sylveon's weakness to poison they were left reeling and defenceless as Titan launched another powerful Poison Jab at it.

"Dodge it!" Santa called out and the two Pokemon launched themselves into a lethal display of power and agility, the ground shaking with the force of Titan's blows as Elf slipped between them, receiving no more than grazes as it weaved around its' attacker.

Those grazes proved to be enough

"Your Pokemon's poisoned" the Trainer observed, nodding to a patch of the Sylveon's fur which had been stained purple and the dark veins that could be seen slowly creeping across its' body. Santa looked almost angry, the facade of unflappable jolliness cracking slightly as Elf wobbled on shaky legs

"Psyshock!" he boomed out and the Trainer watched as his Nidoking was blasted through the air again, this attack made even more powerful than the last by the effects of the earlier Calm Mind technique. Both trainers took stock of the situation and came to the same conclusion, Elf was coughing and sputtering as the poison took hold and Nidoking winced and growled as he dragged himself to his feet, both Pokemon were reaching the point where they could battle no longer and a decisive blow needed to be landed

"HYPER-"

"EARTHQUAKE!" the trainer bellowed, knowing that another Hyper Beam would be impossible to withstand and Titan complied with gusto; rooting himself firmly to the ground and letting out an ear-splitting roar that seemed to tear the air asunder even as a shock wave from the Poison Type's body sent tremors out through the ground, the ground cracked and the lake roiled as if a storm had begun whilst in the distance the lights in Santa's cottage flickered out as reality itself seemed to tremble in fright.

Elf remained on her feet.

"I didn't want to do this" Santa sighed "Elf, Last Resort" the Trainer turned to his Nidoking with a grim nod and prepared to use a trick that they'd both been holding onto in case of emergency

"Drill Run" the two Pokemon sprung into action; the psychic Aura around Elf becoming a furious and fiery red as she charged towards the larger Pokemon with an impressively fierce battle cry, Titan reaching speeds that should not have been possible and becoming a violet blur for leaping from the ground and simply flying at the Sylveon with its' body spinning like a hurricane.

The ground shattered at the point of impact, leaving the two Pokemon stood back to back after delivering their blows like some ancient Samurai in the base of the crater that their attacks had created.

Titan collapsed first, a final gruff snort escaping it before it sunk to its' knees and collapsed forward; then the light around Elf faded away and her eyes slowly closed as the poison defeated her and she sunk to the ground.

"Good job big guy" the Trainer patted his Pokeball as the Nidoking was recalled, hearing Santa similarly praise his Sylveon with a murmured 'Good show old girl' before the two locked eyes and prepared to continue.

Both trainers had four Pokemon remaining and sensed that this battle would only get more tense as things progressed.

"ATHENA!" the Trainer hurled an Ultra Ball into the air, its' jet black finish almost lost in the darkness

"Come Comet!" Santa surprised the Trainer by turning and throwing his Pokeball out towards the lake behind him.

Athena soared over the lake and wheeled back around, broad ears twitching as she let out a shrill screech that gave way too oddly expressive chittering as she hovered over the frigid water; a lithe and powerful thing that served as an example of everything that a Noivern should be whilst below her Santa's Pokemon sported a heavily battle scarred shell upon its' back and its' large doe-eyes seemed to hold far more belligerent malice in them than one would ever have expected in a species well known for its' docility and helpfulness

"Comet, bit of an odd name for a Lapras?" the Trainer noted conversationally

"HO! HO! HO!" Santa let out a hearty guffaw "Well there's a very good reason for it….it's because a comet brought an ice age! COMET USE ICE BEAM!"

"DODGE IT!" the trainer all but screamed as the horn atop the carrier Pokemon's head became the focal point of a nexus of blinding white light which was promptly fired; a beam of freezing power lancing through the spot Athena had occupied a second before whilst the Dragon Type snapped and chattered indignantly

"Athena come back!" the Trainer held out the Ultra Ball in which she was normally contained in one hand and a Quick Ball in the other, a light blue thing with a yellow X adorning it "Okay Dazzler, it's show time" the Trainer's fourth Pokemon ejected from their Pokeball before the words had fully formed and lightning danced around him before the crimson light that accompanied him had fully dissipated

"Chu!" the Raichu's cheek pouches crackled with electricity with leapt to his clenched fists and buzzed around them, entirely at the Electric Types' control. This Raichu was something of an anomaly, still wearing an outfit that it had sported in its' time as a Pikachu that enjoyed talent shows and other such competitions as much as battles; Dazzler was clad in a black vest with a section cutaway to resemble a stylised lightning bolt, ripped black pants with a lightweight chain hanging from one hip and a red coat with a fur-lined hood and sleeves cuffed with spiked bangles

"Oh now that is precious, truly adorable!" Santa declared, evidently amused; Dazzler visibly pouted and glanced at the Trainer, silently spoiling for a fight and asking for permission

"He thinks you're cute" the Trainer grinned "Show him what you can do….Mega Punch!" Dazzler bolted forwards at blinding, bounding towards the edge of the lake on all fours before leaping into the air

"RAI!" the Electric Type bellowed as golden light engulfed its' tiny fist which was reared back for a savage haymaker

"Dragon Pulse" Santa gave the order with utterly nonchalance that was almost offensive to the Trainer and Comet the Lapras opened her mouth to expel a blast of unnatural fire, purple and teal in colour which expanded outwards and struck Dazzler squarely in the midsection of flung the Raichu back to the edge of the shoreline where he landed on his hind legs, staggering dizzily and used his tail to regain his balance, Santa it seemed was no longer holding back and immediately followed up

"Ice Beam!"

"Light Screen!" the Trainer yelled out in response, Dazzler quickly nodded in understanding and braced himself, cheeks and tail wreathed in lightning as he conjured a solid wall of light in front of himself. The Ice Beam struck the Raichu though much of the blow was absorbed, leaving Dazzler sliding backwards a few inches rather than being blasted from his feet; the Electric Type, true to the showman like nature that he had always had made a show of brushing away the frost that had formed on his jacket and even winked at the Lapras that prowled the edge of the lake

"He's a darling isn't he" Santa chuckled, still evidently taken with the charismatic Raichu who in turn seemed pleased at the fact he was no longer being underestimated

"Dazzler, you need to get closer" the Trainer warned, pausing for a moment before an evil smile came to his face accompanied by memories of a battle that had been truly haunting for the Trainer, against a Normal Type Gym Leader he had encountered early in his career and had made the mistake of underestimating

"I've got it" he nodded to Dazzler "Use Roll Out!"

"Chu!" Dazzler nodded eagerly, dark eyes glinting as he charged forwards again before curling up into a ball and being launched forwards by some unseen force to strike Comet directly on the end of the snout

"Unpleasant but hardly effective" Santa noted as the Lapras snorted and shook their head, the Trainer merely grinned silently as his Raichu skimmed across the surface of the lake like a stone before, in a flagrant mockery of physics turning around and doing the same thing again only with far more power

"COMET!" Santa exclaimed as the blow to her shell pushed her through the water and she desperately paddled to steady herself "ICE BEAM!" a trio of freezing lances of light were sent out yet they did nothing more than create icy ramps that the Raichu could use to find new angles of attack, each blow landing with double the force of the one before it

"FUTURE SIGHT!" Santa called out, Comet's eyes shone with psychic might for a moment but nothing readily apparent happened, the Trainer knew better than to take risks however and decided that it was time to end this bout

"Dazzler! Use Thunderbolt!"

"Rai!" the smaller Pokemon cheered devilishly as he leapt onto the back of his opponent, the lightning that issued almost constantly from his cheeks enveloping his entire form before giving way to blinding light that flashed and sent bolts of lightning arcing across the lake and down into the Lapras, being followed be the booming crack of thunder.

"Well done!" the Trainer reached out and ruffled his Pokemon's head as it leapt and bounded back over to him.

"Naughty, I have a job for you" Santa sent out his Next Pokemon, a squat and powerful thing that stood low the ground with a cloud of smoke hanging above it. The Trainer saw the Torkoal and frowned, realising that this was a match up that Dazzler would struggle with, yet before he could give an order the Raichu's eyes widened and the doubled over as if struck in the gut.

The attack that Comet had foreseen with future sight had come to pass, giving Santa and his Pokemon all the opening the would need.

"Naughty, use Stone Edge"

"NO!" the Trainer exclaimed, being forced to leap back as the ground exploded with jagged outcroppings of rock stabbing outwards and striking Dazzler with immense force

"Damn it!" the Trainer spat before recalling the now unconscious Pokemon and drawing the Ultra Ball which held Athena and sending the Dragon Type out to battle once again.

"Air Cutter!" the trainer barked and the Noivern dutifully followed the order, wing-tips glowing as they were crossed over her chest and splayed wide with a powerful gust of wind that rushed downwards

"Withdraw!" The Torkoal retracted itself into its' shell the moment the order was given and even though Athena's attack connected the effect was negligible, a long thin gouge had been torn into the ground which seemed far more deliberate than the other craters and lumps of churned earth and stone that littered the battlefield now and the Fire Type's huddled form was positioned in the centre of it yet Naughty unfurled himself and seemed to be no worse for wear

"Boom Burst!"

"Stone Edge!" the orders were given in tandem and as Athena swooped low the ground beneath her erupted into a mass of jagged points yet the slender Dragon type weaved deftly between them and unleashed a screaming blast of concussive voice; the high pitched wail being undercut by the dull boom of the sound barrier being broken and the Torkoal was flung through the air as the surface of the lake behind it was parted neatly by the attack

"Hurricane!" the Trainer urged "Keep it off the ground, keep the pressure on"

"Hmm, a good idea" Santa noted even as his Fire Type Pokemon was engulfed in a vortex of howling winds "But no, use Lava Plume!" Naughty, despite the absurd forces acting on him managed to rotate his body and aim the hole located at the apex of his shells' curve forwards and fire a stream of molten rock from his body which scorched the ground below

"Watch out!" the Trainer warned and Athena released her opponent from her grasp and focused on evading the attack; the Torkoal looked noticeable worse for wear after the attacks it had been subjected to but was by no means finished

"Now!" Santa called out "Use Hidden Power!" Naughty replied by bracing themselves on sturdy legs as a light began to gather and coalesce around them before suddenly and without warning changing into the exact shade or purple that Comet's Dragon Type attack had been

"MOVE-!" Athena never had chance, a burst of indefinable energy was launched at her and blasted her out of the sky, vibrant yellow eyes closing as she fell.

The Trainer returned her to her Pokeball before she could hit the ground and suddenly felt his hands trembling with both the cold that he could feel needling at him once again and the inescapable sense of panic that was beginning to sink in

"Naughty has a Dragon Type Hidden Power" Santa explained "It was super effective"

The Trainer realised with a start that for the first time in this battle he was losing.

Staring at the final two Pokeballs at his disposal the Trainer quickly concluded that whilst one of his Pokemon would have a type advantage his opponent had been seemingly ready for everything that had been thrown at him thus far and quickly made a decision, drawing one of his two Pokeballs and bringing its' gleaming surface to his lips briefly before throwing

"Meet Honey" the Pokemon that was unveiled was the same Fire Type that had cleared his path here and Santa's Torkoal took an unmistakable step backwards as it fell victim to the things' intimidating presence.

Honey was an Arcanine and a remarkably large one at that, whose vivid orange and black stripped fur had a glossy sheen

"Oh she is magnificent!" Santa exclaimed "You've truly trained her well" the Trainer couldn't help but smile at the praise before patting his companions' flank and leaning down to murmur a command into her ear

"Double Team, then Extreme-Speed" Honey let out a growl of acknowledgement before springing into action, moving so fast as she circled her opponent that her body became a near invisible blur until a moment later a confused noise escaped Naughty as the Torkoal was confronted by over a dozen copies of the larger Fire Type

"Impressive, but we have an answer for that" Santa shrugged sadly, as if he'd expected more "Use Stone Edge" Naughty braced himself and the ground began to crack in a circle around him yet it was too late, Honey was on the move and her illusion vanished as she charged; time slowed to a crawl as she leapt between the rising masses of rock and tackled Naughty with such force that he was lifted from his feet and left spinning on the spot whilst laying on his back, limbs dangling limply

"Hmm" Santa mused before drawing one of his own final two Pokeballs "Tinkerer if you please" the penultimate opponent for the Trainer's team to face levitated several feet above the ground, their chrome coloured form gleaming in the light of aurora as they hovered at chest height, their lone eye honing in on Honey.

A Magnezone.

"Honey, use-"

"Shock Wave!" Santa's order rang out and the Trainer watched as an attack that he had taught one of his own Pokemon was used against his team, despite her incredible speed the Arcanine was swept from her feet and flung backwards and before she could fully recover Santa had begun driving home his advantage

"Use Flash Cannon!" twin spheres of light, crackling with arc of white lightning manifested around the Steel Type's magnet like protrusions before merging directly ahead of the Magnezone and reaching a critical mass, sending a beam of light that scorched the earth around it surging into Honey and leaving the Arcanine rolling to a stop some distance a way, yelping in discomfort as minute bolts of lightning branched across her form and as she dragged herself to her feet the Trainer saw the way her movements had become sluggish and knew that she had been partially paralysed by the attack.

"Tinkerer, Teleport and Tri-Attack!"

"HONEY WATCH OUT!" the Trainer's words were of little use as Tinkerer vanished with a high pitched whistling sound and a rush of air, reappearing behind the Arcanine and launching an attack that appeared as a multicoloured corona of light that left the ground somehow both scorched and frozen, with the scent of a thunderstorm hanging in the air; Honey sprung back to her feet snarling in defiance yet Tinkerer had already vanished and reappeared at her side to attack again. This occurred a few more times before the Trainer let out a roared command, every syllable laced with anger

"HONEY! USE FLARE BLITZ!" the ground all but exploded, gouts of white hot flames erupting out from splits that had suddenly been blasted into the already cracked and scarred surface of the shoreline, flinging the Magnezone back through the air and glowing from the heat in places as it struggled to right itself.

Yet it persisted, it's sturdiness giving it the ability to withstand the blow though it hung lopsided in the air, dazed and confused giving the Trainer time to call out another order

"Finish it! Use Close Combat!" the Arcanine pounced, the ground cracking beneath her feet as she threw herself at her opponent, smashing the Steel Type from the sky with a resounding clang

"Well, this is certainly getting tense little boy" Santa noted as he recalled Tinkerer and readied his last Pokeball; Honey sagged with exhaustion and her breathing came in laboured pants as she eyed up the Pokeball which contained her next opponent

"Meet Krampus" at Santa's words the Pokeball opened without being thrown and what ever resided within lunged with unthinkable speed and ferocity, a sharp crack rang out and the trainer watched in horror as his Arcanine collapsed to the ground unconscious, laid low by a Sucker Punch.

"If it's only consolation you've fought incredibly well" Santa Claus told the Trainer in his uniquely warm and grandfatherly way, his own mannerisms standing in stark contrast to those of his final Pokemon, the thing scuttled across the ground on all fours and stretched out its' long spindly fingers as it leered at the Trainer; its' mouth wide and leering as it let out a harsh hacking sound that couldn't have been anything other than mocking laughter.

Krampus was a Sableye

"It's not over yet" the Trainer shot back fiercely as he drew his final Pokeball, chipped, scratched and dented with chunks of its' once pristine red and white paint removed to expose the dull metal beneath

"You still haven't met my partner!" the Trainer declared proudly "Go Ajax!" the Pokemon burst forth in a flash of light, letting out a rasping hiss of a roar that echoed throughout the darkness, the Trainer's final Pokemon was their starter and the reptilian monster towered over him, aquamarine coloured scales littered with old battle-scars worn like trophies and rows of crimson fins and spikes along its' back and tail twitching ever so slightly as it stomped out into the battlefield, tail swinging behind it, vibrant yellow eyes homing on the Sableye as it let out a low hiss in warning.

"Meet Ajax" the Trainer grinned, all doubts washed from his mind now that the partner with whom he'd begun his journey was on the field; with giddy energy bubbling up inside him he turned to the Feraligatr and grinned "Get him boy….Aqua Jet!" Ajax let out a deafening roar and charged, body blurring with the motion and the sound of rushing water filling the air as Krampus was unceremoniously dragged from his feet and pulled backwards along the ground towards the lake by the sheer force of the move; yet despite the raw power that Ajax possessed the diminutive creature never stopped its' taunting fit of giggles and the reason soon became apparent

"Shadow Sneak!" Santa ordered and the moment Ajax's body became visible again the Sableye whipped around to face it before running and seemingly diving into the hard ground, its' body taking the form of a living shadow which darted across the blasted shoreline only to burst from the ground directly below the Feraligatr and deliver a brutal uppercut to the underside of its' jaw

"Watch-" the Trainer fell silent, mouth hanging open as Krampus repeated his Shadow Sneak attack, each time with devastating effect until Ajax was firmly on the defensive and unable to do more than struggle to counter

"Now, finish it with Thunder Punch!" Santa commanded and his Pokemon's spindly fingers clenched into fists which was enveloped in a sphere of lightning a moment later

"Use Dragon Dance!" strange magical light wreathed Ajax for a moment and the Water Types' movements suddenly became faster and more fluid, its' already powerful muscles bulging for a moment as some additional power was forced into them. Krampus let out an almost comically over-dramatic scream that sounded like a 'Hi-Ya' as it delivered Thunder Punch after Thunder Punch but struck nothing but air. Without needing to be ordered Ajax retaliated first with an Iron Tail attack whose impact sounded like a hammer striking an anvil and then with another Aqua Jet attack that instantly broke the Sableye's focus, the lightning around its' hands vanishing as it was left struggling to rise with the far larger Pokemon looming over it

"He's right where you want him!" Santa Claus declared eagerly "Use Seismic Toss!" the Dark Type Pokemon's eyes, despite having the appearance of solid gemstones narrowed and took a mischievous quality as Krampus sprung to his feet and leapt upwards, grabbing Ajax by the arm and midsection as he collided with the larger Pokemon and carried him into the air as if he weighed nothing, the Sableye retuned to its' chorus of manic laughter as hoisted the Feraligatr from over its' shoulders and span in the air whilst holding Ajax by the tail, finally releasing and sending hurtling towards the surface of the lake like a missile.

The impact was enormous and water was sent dozens of feet into the air as Krampus landed, finally falling still again with no trace of Ajax.

"Now, Little Boy that was a good battle we had but…." the Trainer tuned his opponent out, whatever opinion he had being immediately proven invalid to the younger man who had seen something that both Santa Claus and his swaggering, impish Pokemon had missed

The lake was begin to bubble.

This battle was not over and as the entirety of the lake began to swirl, being pulled towards a single point which was itself beginning to move the truth became impossible to ignore. With a triumphant roar Ajax's head burst from the tumultuous and icy water as it prepared to unleash a devastating attack which the Trainer called out, heart hammering in his chest

"HYDRO CANNON!" the lake itself seemed to move, swirling water been conducted into a horizontal maelstrom which was sent surging forth without hesitation, Krampus could only manage a wide mouthed squawk of indignant confusion before the deluge washed over him and the Trainer had to leap aside to avoid being caught in the attack as well.

When the attack subsided Krampus staggered, spinning as it struggled to keep its' balance and with sparks crackling from its' fingers as it attempted another Thunder Punch only to final collapse backwards with a pitiable noise escaping it.

Ajax stomped back onto the shore which was now a sodden and waterlogged mess, roaring in triumph as the Trainer bolted over to his partner and petted his snout affectionately

"Never doubted you for a second" he chuckled, the adrenaline beginning to abandon him and leave nothing but aching weariness in its' wake; as the Trainer recalled his Pokemon he felt his legs give way beneath him but found himself laughing despite himself.

He had done it.

"Congratulations" Santa Claus trudged closer to him, boots squelching on the soaked ground "You won and not to sound too full of myself but it's been so long that I didn't think anybody could. We'll get your Pokemon fixed up inside"

"Santa-" the bearded man shook his head

"Call me Nick" he slowly unfastened his coat and draped it over the Trainer's shoulder "After all, there can't be two Santa's, that would be ridiculous….My workshop, I'm sure you've guessed is under the cottage and the lake. We'll discuss the logistics side-"

"Santa!" the Trainer exclaimed "Nick….what're you talking about?" hearing the confused and honest exhaustion in the Trainer's voice made Santa pause and his voice softened with his next words

"You invoked the Santa Clause my boy, the mantle and the responsibilities of the title are now yours to bear" there was a moment of tense silence as the Trainer struggled to comprehend the news and then the laughter came, soft and disbelieving giggles at first which soon gave way to full blown manic cackling. It was absurd the Trainer thought, but then why should it not be, after all the Gyms, the Elites, the Champions and all the teams of villains and everything else that had been decided by Pokemon battles, why should this of all things be any different.

Eventually the laughter subsided and the Trainer turned to Santa Claus with a bewildered expression, still unable to keep a straight face as he spoke

"All I wanted was for you to take my name off of the naughty list"  
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Authors Notes:

So this is actually a remake of a story that I posted in 2011 and then promptly deleted because it was bad and nobody read it, I then proceeded to not write anything until 2016 but hey here we are.  
I can't even remember what inspired this story the first time around, I think was a random conversation with a guy that I was working on a night shift with.  
If anyone thinks the lack of anything relating to Gen 8 is an elephant in the room I'll adress it now; firstly despite when I posted this story I wrote it November a couple of days before Sword & Shield were released, secondly I haven't and will not be buying the games; I can't continue to support Game Freak given their handling of the franchise and given that I'm British and have wanted a region based on the UK since I was a kid that hurts to say.  
So it's likely that this story will be only foray into Pokemon fan-fiction.

But anyway let's summarise shall we:  
Okay first off, because I know someone will mention it: I know Santa was in the anime and he was different to this, I'm choosing to ignore that….If you can't then feel free to imagine that Santa took the role from the one in the anime via Pokemon battle.  
Okay so the trainer was based on myself, although they weren't named so does it really count as a self insert? I'd argue that it's no more than the games are, my scars are actually from working in factories, yes I took the liberty of my generous with the description of myself but no I wasn't giving myself bullshit "Anime protagonist" looks with my eyes, I have really weird coloured eyes.  
That being said the Trainer's Pokemon are just some of my favourites, with the nicknames I tend to give them.  
No Rotom-Dex for me thank you.  
I deliberately didn't mention what the Fire Type was just so I could have the reveal in the battle, if I mentioned an Arcanine by name you would have just been waiting for it to show up.  
So, here's the North Pole….If Ash can strip down to his shorts and swim in it in the anime then this trainer can walk through it in moderately suitable gear.  
I'm imagining Santa in this story as a little bit like Santa from "Rise of the Guardians"  
Okay so before we get in the battle I'll just get this out the way because I'm certain somebody will mention it: The move-sets were decided by 'Rule of Cool' and nothing else, it's not supposed to be viable in competitive.  
Case in point, the way Gengar avoided the Earth Power attack is pure anime nonsense….Although that was also, as noted by Santa a nod to the 'Levitate' ability which I'm STILL mad that Gengar lost access to.  
I haven't watched the anime in years so a lot of the moves are based on my interpretation of the battle animation in the games.  
If you're writing a Gengar and they don't have charisma by the truckload you're doing it wrong.  
The Bulldoze attack was initially a Take Down and I had to go back and correct it because I actually managed to forget that normal does nothing to ghost.  
Stealth Mamoswine….just because the idea of it amuses me to no end.  
Cheshire the Gengar went full Death Stranding with the Shadow Punches.  
Yes I imagined the Focus Blast as a Kamehameha and so did you.  
Is Elf not a perfect name for a Sylveon?  
Pixelate Hyper Beam, literally for no reason other than it's cool.  
Nidoking has been my favourite Pokemon literally since I got a Game Boy Colour and Pokemon Yellow for my 10th Birthday, the "He was one of the first I caught" line is basically an in joke with myself. There was never any doubt that Titan the Nidoking would make an appearance.  
It's never fun when the enemy starts setting up.  
I honestly love 100% hit moves like Shock Wave.  
Have you ever seen a Nidoking without Earthquake?  
Oh the sheer cliché drama of them standing back to back like that before collapsing, you know exactly the kind of Samurai Movie scene I was thinking of.  
I had to have something that was named after one of the reindeer and you know the line about Comet was great…..In my head Santa has Pokemon named after the reindeer that are all HM Slaves/Ride Pokemon for pulling his sleigh around.  
Noivern is four times weak to ice, it was the only retreat in the battle but it was the smartest move.  
I'm sure you've all guessed but Dazzler the Raichu was based on the Cosplay Pikachu from Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire in its' Rock Star outfit, I know that Pokemon was locked to being female but oh well.  
The episode with LT Surge was literally the first episode of the anime I ever saw, so to me that's always what Raichu is and should be; a cocky little shit that throws out Mega Punches.  
"Memories of a battle that had been truly haunting for the Trainer, against a Normal Type Gym Leader he had encountered early in his career and had made the mistake of underestimating"….My Miltank is literally nicknamed 'Vietnam', because I have FLASHBACKS.  
Naughty…..Because if you're naughty you'll get Torkoal in your stocking for Christmas.  
Future Sight hits at the worst time, every time.  
I know the entire battle between Naughty the Torkoal and Athena the Noivern was utter anime bullshit but see above, and it added dramatic tension….Besides, if Ash can beat Rock types Electric moves and enough feeling then everything is fair game.  
Okay so the Arcanine being named Honey and the whole kissing the Pokeball thing is actually a reference to the original Japanese Dub of the anime, wherein Shigeru/Gary actually does kiss the Pokeball and refer to his Arcanine as "My Honey" which I suppose the translators thought detracted from his image even though it makes him infinitely cooler.  
Also, Nidoking and Arcanine….I share two signature Pokemon with Gary Oak and I feel like that says something about me,  
Well at least I didn't go the anime route of making Double Team an attack that actually does damage on its' own.  
That Magnezone was a mother-fucker and is probably more bad-ass than Magnezone will ever be portrayed as.  
In my head all teleportation either sounds like Nightcrawler from X-Men or the Instant Transmission technique from DBZ.  
Be honest you never expected Santa to have a Sableye called Krampus….but at the same time, is it not perfect?  
I debated having Krampus go Mega but honestly that big gem Mega Sableye carries would have just gotten in the way.  
My Feraligatr oddly isn't usually called Ajax….that name usually goes to a Ground or Rock type, I always call my Totodile Chopper but that didn't really fit with the other names.  
Writing Krampus was fun in the same way writing Cheshire was, they came here to kick ass and have fun….and also the thought of such a small Pokemon just throwing things several times their size around is always fun.  
Dragon Dance, look people actual tactics!  
Congratulations, you actually thought you'd drowned a water type.  
Was there any other way to end the battle than a stupidly OP move?  
Look, I know it sounds dumb that the mantle of Santa would be passed on through Pokemon battle and that would be the Pokemon worlds' version of the Santa Clause, but I defy you to tell me that dumb shit doesn't sound on brand all things considered.  
Also, that last line though.

As always thank you to everyone that reads this, with a special thanks to those of you that follow, favourite and review.


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